Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Grandparent Lingo 101

As a child, I was lucky enough to be raised with two sets of grandparents that both lived under 10 minutes away. Due to this proximity, my grandparents became my "secondary parents," but they were cool because the never got me in trouble, and they made my brother and I snacks after school. 

The only downside to being raised partly by grandparents is that I picked up on lingo and jargon from a different era. And, like every other Texan, my accent did not help the matter. I don't know how many times my classmates have looked at me like I am a character off of Little House on the Prairie. 

As apart of my healing process, I have composed a list of the most common things I have heard my grandparents say. Enjoy. 

1) "Now just add a scant of salt." -- Memaw

My memaw has given me recipes using "scant" as a measuring unit many times. By process of trial and error, I have learned that a "scant" of something will barely fill the cusp of your palm. It is bigger than a "pinch", but smaller than a "just eye-ball it."

2) "Cube the cows." -- Granddady

Contrary to pop culture's infatuation with building worlds out of cubes, a "cube" in this instance refers to a cylinder-shaped type of food given to cows that looks something like this. 

Mind boggling, huh? They should just say, "Scatter out that cylinder-shaped cow feed." 

3) "You are as handy as a shirt on a pocket." -- Grandma

Every time I took out the trash, vacuumed, or completed any other minimum effort task, my grandma would give me this compliment. I used to tell my grandma that this did not make sense, but now I know that she did it on purpose. My grandma is such a kidder, you guys. 

4) "Do you need to sit on the pot?" -- Memaw & Grandma

According to both of my grandmothers, numerous ailments can all be solved by simply sitting on the toilet for long periods of time. It's like the toilet is magical or something. 

5) "That's just one of them deals."  -- Pawpaw and Granddady

Every time something bad happened, my grandfathers would tell me this phrase in the hopes  to make me understand why bad things happen to good people. Now that I am a young adult and have been exposed to the evils of the world for myself, I don't understand the phrase at all. Maybe one day I will.