Friday, May 3, 2013

Michelle Obama Arms

Dear Mrs. Michelle Obama,

You have nice arms. Never mind all the gains you have made to end childhood obesity -- you will go down in history for pulling off sleeveless dresses with muscular grace.

I just have one question: do you even wear sleeves? Like ever?

One day I will be as toned as you. I swear on the greatest, bestest country in the whole world, the U.S. of A. 

I go to the gym every day. (Okay, I can't lie to you... I try to at least go 3 times a week.) But when I do go to the gym, I go hard. I do reps on the arm machine until my legs are shaking. (Sometimes, my legs start shaking after the first rep, though, so I just call that good enough.) Afterwards, I know I have done a good job when I can hardly lift my fork, but I manage to finish my plate anyway. 

I am a firm believer in rowing machines, especially rowing machines that have games on them. My favorite game is this one where I am a fish, and the faster I row depicts whether I am eaten by the big, ugly black fish or whether I can eat a small, cute white fish. 15 minute can pass by, and I don't even realize it because I am busy being a fish. 

I even go kayaking occasionally with my friend Cheyenne! Last time, we kayaked all the way out to that invisible bridge in my picture. You can't see it, but it's there. We must have gone 2 miles or more. 

If I weren't so afraid of drowning, I would paddle faster, but a main concern for me right now is to maintain balance and to keep from steering into the reeds on the side of the lake. (I am not the best swimmer.) I am considering hiring someone to kayak behind me while playing the banjo to scare me into paddling faster. I'll keep you updated if that method works out well or not. 

I guess it is too soon to see if my attempts have paid off or not. All I know is to keep repping, fake-rowing, and kayaking. 

Maybe one day I will buy a sleeveless dress and everyone will say, "Hey, your arms are so toned and so lean! What is your secret?" 

And I will tell them, "Oh, you know... Just doing the Michelle Obama Work Out." 

And they will say, "Now that you mention it, she does have great arms."

Told you.

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